Ok, so I’ve spent the whole day trudging through websites. Websites like massive sugar-sludge swamps, trying to suck me down into their frilly world of sweeping fondant “curtains” and powder pink, gumpaste roses. Can I just say that I find the wedding industry more than a little nauseating? If the prices aren’t enough to make me barf (how many slices of cake have you seen that sell for $10 a mouthful?), and I manage to quell my gag reflex during the gooey “isn’t your very special day just soooo romantic?” intro’s to every site, I could never force myself past the mountainous piles of frilly cream, avalanches of flowers, candy starfish, and enormous flocks of oh-so-cute birds that decorate half the cakes out there. From what I could tell, the only alternative to over the top decadence these days is a cold, aloof, perfectly smooth, straight up and down style that looks like the walls of a prison. As dreary as these puritanesque cakes are I find their simplicity much more enticing than the gaudy cakes my three year old self would have chosen back when I was still hoping to be a pink, bunny rabbit when I grew up.
Oh wait, I forgot the new modern style cakes. You know, the kind for the “unique” bride that wants her special day to be different from all those other generic nobodies that want all their weddings to be the same. The wedding industry likes to imply that the world is full of these clone brides and that you alone are out there looking for a creative new option. In case you were wondering, unique cakes aren’t as cool as they sound. They cost a pretty penny more than the pretty penny it takes to buy any wedding cake and they are just as heinous as the fairy princess numbers. Instead of the dangling hearts and silver pearls, these are often painted with neon yellow food coloring, wrapped with hot pink fondant ribbons or bright green polka dots, or my personal favorite, made to look like the bride (the layer cake is the skirt of the sculpture’s wedding gown). I confess that last one was emailed to me, I didn’t just come across it. But I have to say, as creepy as that cake looked, the bride definitely made her cake unique, unlike the frothy, bright eyesores I’ve been gawking at all afternoon.