Recent events have thrown into stark realization the fact that I don’t have as many friends as I used to, nor as many as I would like. Frankly, it’s depressing me. So now I have to wonder, why do I judge my value based on the number of friends I have? I blame the Wizard of Oz. The first time I watched the movie I heard him say “A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.” and I’ve never forgotten that. Well, that’s a pretty tough bind, isn’t it? It’s like, love all you want but unless someone cares that you love them, you’re pretty worthless. If anyone but the Wizard had said it, I’d question the logic of that statement. What if you’re surrounded by narcissists? They might be pleased that you loved them, but they keep all their love for themselves. What if you choose to love all the wrong people? Well, then there are a number of self-help books out there for you. What if you just love from afar so as not to burden anyone who isn’t interested?
A friend of mine told me awhile ago that for women, having friends is instinctual. It’s an inherent need passed down from the time we all lived in tribes. In tribes the women were usually responsible for much of the food, all of the childcare, and most of the shelter of the entire group. If these women couldn’t form relationships, the tribe wouldn’t have survived very long. Thus, friendship was born. And it’s been stressing out women of all ages ever since, especially those in junior high.
Since we no longer have to depend on each other for survival, I feel that the idea of friends has become much more complicated. Now people can be choosy about who they want to spend they’re time with and I, being infinitely courteous and shy, would never presume that they’d want to spend it with me. This feeling has probably resulted in dozens of lost opportunities for friendship. It could be I’m thinking about it too much. Which is why I must now resort to drastic measures. I pledge to be oblivious and obnoxious in every social situations from here on out. Completely, utterly annoying, that’s my plan. I figure at the point I see myself as being irritatingly loud, other will probably see me as being normal and maybe even a tiny bit outgoing. It might take me awhile to get up to speed on this, so don’t expect that the next time you see me I’ll come bounding into the room smacking people in the back of their heads, and saying “would you like fries with that?” to every request they make. But give me time. I’ll get there. Then I know the friends will be flocking.