As of last night, I have had at least one dream per ex-boyfriend in which I’m engaged to him instead of Ben. Guys I’ve only briefly dated are included in this list. Two exception are a guy I dated briefly in high school (whom I’m expecting an appearance from any night now) and a guy I went on one date with, whom Jessica nicknamed “Dan the man” when at the end of the date, he insisted I pay him back for dinner.
Oddly enough, the list doesn’t ONLY include exes. For example, it also includes my best friend (and maid of honor), which she got a big kick out of when I told her about it the next day. I can say without a moments hesitation that this dream was the best of the lot, because while the marriage wouldn’t have been quite what I expect to have with Ben, I like Diana and I think it would be fun to have her as a life long roommate. And besides, marrying her would be far preferable to marrying any of my ex-boyfriend (no offense to the only one I’m still in communication with).
What’s exceptionally weird about these dreams is how often Ben shows up in them. I’ll be at a party with my fiance, wondering why on earth I decided to marry this guy and feeling generally annoyed and suddenly, Ben will walk into the room, grab a soda, and start watching a movie or something. I’ll pause in the middle of a sentence and stare at him like he’s got some important message written on his forehead. There’s always this feeling of total confusion like “You know, that guy looks awfully familiar. Where have I seen him before?”. Or I’ll be waiting in line at the movie theater, with my future husband, and feeling like this just isn’t right, that I remember actually being in love with the person I was engaged to, and suddenly Ben will walk out of a nearby ice cream store and I’ll think, “now, wait a minute, wasn’t I engaged to THAT guy?”
One theory as to why this is happening is that my brain just wasn’t prepared for me to fall in love so quickly and it’s having a hard time adjusting. It wants to say “Now hold on, weren’t we going to have a few practice marriages first? Just to get a feel for it before trying it with someone you love?”
Second theory is that my subconscious hates me and enjoys watching me muddle through my dreams in utterly lost and helpless confusion.